Taking the High Road
by Shuriken10
Summary: In this epic tale, Naruto and his companions fight against all odds against the Akatsuki and other threats from around the world. Through friendship and heart-touching love, they fight on to prevent the Akatsuki (with the help of others) from winning the great war. (AU, Lemons-sort of).
1. Chapter 1: NYC Blues

Naruto was walking in the ninja town square…

He looked down and found a scroll with blood on it…

"Fuck," said Naruto, "someone's fucking hurt."

**Taking the High Road**

Chapter I - NYC Blues

_(AN: I really hope you guys enjoy this; this is my fifth fanfic, and I believe I'm starting to get good at this. I'm a huge closet fanfic-writer, so this will probably be the last one I write. I'm sorry if I had any OOCness, I tried to keep it to a minimum. I want to thank the very few people who inspired me through this: Tomahawk Panda, Tazmo, Ultimate Keyblade Master, one piss, Football Black Belt, KimikoUzumakiNamikaze, Tryhardtoscopeme, and NarutoFan79)_

* * *

Naruto slowly opened his eyes and looked to his right and found Sakura still sleeping soundly. He could hear the violent sound of cars and screaming outside. Naruto sighed and complained, "just another day in New York City." Naruto got up and began to look out the window, half nude.

Sakura slowly awoke to the biggest ass-scratching she had ever seen her life and ducked under the covers. "Naruto, you god damn jackass!" she exclaimed.

Naruto looked back to see Sakura lying on the bed, her top almost falling off. He couldn't bare to look at her chest, her man-like chest just made Naruto sick. How could she even be a woman? Naruto then looked over at the bra that he had gotten her last year for her birthday. It was four-sizes-too-large. He couldn't wait for her upcoming birthday-May 17th- which is three days away. Naruto put on some nice Levi jeans and a t-shirt with a fucking gigantic stain of coffee on it and walked out. Naruto found Sasuke smoking a joint with his toes and playing Pacman on the couch. Naruto walked over to the mini-fridge where they store the beer and eggs. "Sasuke, did you eat the last egg?"

Sasuke was too occupied with his weed and Pacman to talk so he gestured his head towards the broken eggshell on the floor in front of him.

Naruto was furious with what Sasuke had done; he had promised Naruto that he wasn't going to suck the last egg. Naruto stomped over to Sasuke and took the Pacman controller away from him and stomped on it with his bare foot. This wasn't the first time Naruto had done this-and Sasuke was prepared-the dagger that Sasuke had concealed in the game controller stabbed Naruto in the foot. Naruto screamed and then walked over to the jukebox and put on "Sail" by Awolnation.

Sakura finally came out of her room and turned up the bass on the speakers so she could get in the mood for going to work. Sakura's parents were abducted by the government when she was two years old and she was forced to live alone for ten years. She decided to dye her hair pink and become a metal rockstar, but when that failed, she moved to New York with Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi. She later married Kakashi but lost interest in him so she left him to die in the sewers when the police were chasing them after stealing a car earlier that day. Kakashi was never seen again.

Sakura started to break-dance to the amazing song but accidently cut her arm on the table that supported the jukebox and speakers. After that, she picked up her iPod Nano and the Beats that Sasuke got her last year. Scrolling through her one-thousand and five-hundred fifty songs, she noticed something odd. The song, "DMX - Where the Hood At", was on her iPod when she never downloaded it. She then looked over at Sasuke, who was lying head back and staring into space as the marijuana was working its way through his system.

"What's wrong, Sakura?" asked Naruto and Kakashi at the same time.

Sakura jumped at Kakashi's voice and she looked towards the entrance to the apartment. There stood a man with tattoos on both of his arms and his head shaved completely (his normal look).

"What? Do you not even recognise your old… friend?" Kakashi's voice was filled with spite, and Sasuke was getting a major, negative vibe from it.

Sasuke dropped his bong and joint to the ground and it lit the couch on fire. He then rushed over to the kitchen (to his best ability) and grabbed a handful of knives. "Get the fucking-mother-hell out, you criminal!" he shouted at Kakashi.

Kakashi left the apartment room.

Sakura leaned over and looked at the clock in the kitchen: "oh damn, I'm going to be late!" she exclaimed. Sakura works at Hard Rock Cafe; working there is a way to stick with her broken dreams of becoming a famous rock-popstar. Sakura then began to cry in mourn of her destroyed dreams. "Don't look at me! I'm ugly!" she yelled at everyone in the room.

Everyone then walked away from the crying Sakura, knowing that she'll get over her being ugly in a bit.

Naruto then walked over to the Xbox One with Sasuke. He squatted down in a position where his hot ass was shining towards Sakura. This, normally, cheered her up. He leaned down and inserted Call of Duty: Ghosts into the slot and took a hit of Sakura's weed. "Holy fuck, man; this is some heavy shi-" Naruto dropped the controller and leaned back onto the couch with Sasuke. The world began to spin as the marijuana poisoning set in. Naruto slipped into another world.

Sakura saw this as the perfect chance to slit her wrists. She rushed towards the bin of knives in the kitchen and pulled out three knives and slit both of her legs. After that, she opened the cabinet above her and pulled out the rubbing alcohol. She began to pour the entire bottle into the open wound to pleasure herself. She moaned loudly as the burning liquid showered the laceration. Sakura then looked down at the pool of blood below her and moaned again. The empty bottle fell to the floor as Sakura blacked out from a lack of blood.


	2. Chapter 2: Pollo Frito

Chapter II- Pollo Frito

_(AN: I apologise in advance if there are any errors; even though I'm 14, I don't have time between school and work. Well, here it is! I really think this is going to turn out to be something big! I'm looking forward to more great reviews and I'm really enjoying this. I hope you guys enjoy it!)_

* * *

Sakura came home to find Sasuke high on some nice Kush again on Naruto was nibbling at his leg warts. "The doctor said not to do that, Naruto," advised Sakura.

Naruto did not respond with words, but instead he threw a wall phone at her, hitting her in her adam's apple. "I do what I want, BITCH," responded Naruto. He continued to nibble at his warts and Sakura decided there was no hope for getting him to stop. Crash!

Sakura instantly looked back to see a tall, latino man standing in the doorway. He had stepped on one of Sasuke's bongs and broke it; if Sasuke wasn't high, he would've killed this man by now. "Who the hell are you!?" screamed Sakura.

"Oh it's me, Kakashi," responded the man. It was him! His hand ran through his long black hair.

"You don't look… normal," said Sakura in a confused tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about. So how are you gringos doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine, how are you?" Sakura responded.

"I'm good, and I'm back to take what is mine! I own this place; I pay for it every month so it's my appartement. Now all three of you, get out!" he commanded, looking as serious he could.

"You can't do this! We're your friends!" rebuttled Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke at the same time.

"Okay, you can all stay, but on one condition… This condition being: you must all listen to me for once. Do this, and we'll all get along smoothly," Kakashi then leaned up against the mini-fridge and smirked at Naruto, who was looking a little angry.

Naruto gripped his fists together and then punched Sakura to get his anger out, knocking her unconscious. Sakura landed on the floor, breaking another bong that belongs to Sasuke.

Sasuke screamed at the top of his lungs in a fury and then kicked Sakura as hard as he can.

"Are we done having a temper-tantrum?" asked Kakashi.

"Yes," responded Naruto and Sasuke.

"Now, you're going to go and get high as a kite, Sasuke; Naruto, you're going to help me make dinner. I'm going to be having some friends over, and I'm sure that they're going to be hungry. They just crossed the border into Nevada and are visiting us here in Phoenix. We're going to need tacos, burritos, and a lot of salsa to make them feel at home. Well, what are you waiting for? Lets get cooking!" commanded Kakashi.

The two of them then went into the kitchen and made all of what Kakashi demanded, and more. Naruto found some Chili peppers and managed to concoct a large batch of super-hot chili for Kakashi's mexican friends.

The first group of four mexicans showed up fifteen minutes after the two finished cooking the food; the second group of seven showed up a little later; and the last group of fifteen showed up a few hours after the previous group.

"Lo siento, amigos… Mi coche es muy despacio," said the leader of the group.

"Esta bien, amigo! Es bueno verte," replied Kakashi. The two hugged and Kakashi lead the man over to the mini-fridge for a beer, or two… or three… or four. Before we knew it, the two men were smashing things and making asses of themselves. Kakashi eventually stumbled over to Sakura and began to press her up against the wall. "You're a… a… BUTGG", joked Kakashi. He then fell down on the ground, laughing.

Sakura was turned on by drunk men so she slowly bent down and began to lick the horny Kakashi.

Kakashi slowly unhooked her bra and then had sex with her in front of the mexicans.

The mexicans were so outraged that they all left the apartment and swore their revenge a pawn whomever lives in this building. "Vamos a matar a todos en este edificio," they continued to scream. One mexican stayed behind, and he was the biggest of them all. He sat down next to them, watching them intensly. The weird hugging fascinated the man, and the strange noises interested him. He had never heard of people hugging each other when being naked. He soon left the two to awkwardly hug, slap, lick, and yell.

After the two got up, they looked over to see Sasuke and Naruto watching their favorite show, Naruto. Their favorite character, Naruto, is painting everything in the village red in the shape of clouds. "I can't believe they would name a show after me!" shouted Naruto. "Wow, what the hell is Ihsakak doing? Why is he stopping Naruto? Those red clouds look cool! What a fucking douche… What the FUCK? You fucking asshole! I'll kill you, and you better BELIEVE IT!

Just then, Sasuke began to panic! His penis grew three sizes that day.

"Ekusas really knows how to work a man," joked Sakura.

Sasuke then laughed hysterically and then casually punched her in the face with his bong, sending her falling to the ground.

Kakashi then walked into the the room from the bathroom with a bottle of lotion and a wad of kleenex in his hand. He then looked down at Sakura and sneezed. "Fuck, I'm sick as a dog, you dumb bitch. You got me sick, now you're going to pay the price; I don't care if you're sleeping or not," exclaimed Kakashi. He then put the lotion in his back pocket and spit on Sakora. "Now you'll never be able to solve your problem of dry pussy, you slut. That sex we had last night was terrible," Kakashi then walked away, kicking Sakura in the head on his way over to the kitchen. "Now I'm going to make myself some Nutella bread to get the taste of your mouth out of my mouth."

"Don't you think you're a little hard on the poor thing?" asked Naruto. He then walked over and picked Sakura up and set her on the chair in the corner. He then left the room for a moment and came back with a dirty needle and a bottle of ibuprofen. The two objects were then thrown at Sakura, "get high on that, you druggie." Naruto lightly jogged back to the couch and planted that fine ass on the sofa. "I can't believe she does drugs… that stuff will mess you up…" criticized Naruto.

Sasuke let out a breath smoke, one of his eyes moving slightly to the right, "I know right."

Just then, the phone rang.

Naruto then saw Sasuke looking at Sakura's pussy with his lazy eye, wondering how dry it really is down there. After having sex with Kakashi, once you go black, there's no going back. "Well, Naruto, looks like we're going to be having blue balls from now on; now that our girl-slut is going with Kakashi."

"I ain't entering that shit again!" Kakashi called from the kitchen.

Naruto grabbed elmer's glue, sniffing it, "They just don't make it like they used to."

The phone rang again.

Sakura slowly got up from the chair, stumbling on the way up. "Sasuke… you son of a b- ooh, ibuprofen." Sakura shotgunned the ibuprofen and fell to the floor instantly.

The phone rang again.

Kakashi leaned out of the door, there was chocolate smeared across his face, but due to his complexion you couldn't really see it, "Yo, motherfuckahs, you answer that sheet?"

Naruto then got up and answered the phone.

A mysterious voice came up, talking in a hushed but angry tone: "Tell that fucker, Sasuke, that he owes me big time for that weed. If he don't pay, he and all of you will die."

"Who was it?" asked Kakashi.

"Sasuke's dealer, Orochimaru, he wants his shit back or else he'll kill us or something like that. I didn't really pay attention," Naruto said in despair.

"Oh. Okay," Sasuke responded as he cleaned his favorite bong.

"Shit, dawg, I'm hungry as fuck. Boys, you up for some KFC?" groaned Kakashi.


	3. Chapter 3: One Helluva Trip

Chapter III - One Helluva Trip

_(AN: Thank you for following this story and those that reviewed it. I'm just getting started! I've already written part of the fourth chapter, and that chapter is when things get really spicy. Spicy like a Mexican taco left out on a warm summer day. If you want a preview, feel free to message me on Facebook. I was really inspired to write this chapter after watching a few fucking movies this weekend. Just a little me time at home. Enjoy!)_

_(Special thanks to: Football Black Belt, Tazmo, and Narutofan79 for assisting me with this chapter.)_

* * *

Kakashi and Sakura walked back into the apartment, fried chicken in hand. Kakashi had already finished half of the bucket of KFC that he had promised to share with Naruto and Sasuke. Kakashi then handed Naruto a few pieces of fried chicken and left Sasuke with nothing.

Sasuke was suffering from a serious case of the munchies, and he was so furious at Kakashi for not giving him any chicken. Sasuke then walked over and continued to smoke his Kush to even out his mood. "Am I going to get any of that?" asked Sasuke.

Naruto threw an orange at Sasuke's head in response to him saying that. After working out that hard, Naruto breathed in through his nose and flinched at the smell. "Fuck you, Sasuke! It smells like weed in here! Do you really smoke that much?" complained Naruto.

"Has anyone fed Sai lately?" asked Sakura, concerned.

"Oh fuck-fuck!" shouted Naruto, "Who has the meth?"

Kakashi handed Naruto three grams of meth and a bucket of fried chicken. "Nobody has fed him? It must be three god damn weeks now… No wonder he's so quiet."

Naruto walked down with the meth in one hand and fried chicken in the other. Half way down the hallway that leads to the closet a barrage of bullets went flying through the window, coming from the "Faces of Meth" billboard. Naruto dropped the fried chicken and meth in hand and punched the picture of Sakura next to him, cutting his hand deeply. He ran back into the main room and found Kakashi crying over the last piece of fried chicken that had been shot. "They're hitting us where it counts… at a black man's fried chicken…" exclaimed Naruto.

"Dat' bitch gun' get a cap in his ass!", Kakashi then walked to the window and shouted out to the man on the billboard, "Dog, get yo ass over here and fight me like a real man!"

Orochimaru soon broke down the door, sending it to the floor, and locked it behind him. He stared at the four people standing in front of him: Naruto armed with a bottle that has a questionable substance in it, Kakashi armed with a baseball bat, Sasuke with a bong in hand, and Sakura holding vagisil. His weed senses then started to tingle.

Sakura then sprayed the vagisil in Orochimaru, burning his eyes, "take that!"

Orochimaru then stared Sakura down, causing her to feel self conscious. "Don't look at me, I'm ugly!"

Sasuke then noticed something odd in Orochimaru's back pocket; sticking out of it was a small bag of red weed. "Hey, shut the fuck up, bitch," screamed Sasuke at Sakura in despair, If you don't, I'll make you have sex with Sai again; I won't let you get drunk like the last time. Orochimaru, what's that in your back pocket? Is that… red weed?"

"Take it and you die, Sasuke. This has been handed down to me for five generations of weed growing…. it's been known to show the future if you smoke it. You only need a bit, but the more you smoke, the more you see," Orochimaru then handed the weed to Sasuke and they began to smoke it together.

* * *

Sasuke found himself in a world, much like his own. He was in the same apartment, with the same people around him, and on the same planet, except he could hear something moving. The couch transformed into a snake and left the couch remained behind it. The snake stood about four feet and five inches like Orochimaru, had eyes like Orochimaru, and talked like Orochimaru. "Who are you?" asked Sasuke.

The snake did not respond for a while, but eventually responded with, "Don't you recognise me?"

"No."

"You fucktard. It's me Orochimaru, dumbass. Has my weed really made you this stupid?" spoke the Orochimaru snake.

"Where is everyone else?" asked Sasuke.

"Follow me," commanded the snake. Orochimaru led him to the bathroom where Naruto was tending to five tall plants of red weed.

Sasuke's mouth dropped at the sight of the beautiful drug: he had to have another hit of this shit. Sasuke took out the lighter from his pocket setting fire to the three plants, getting both him and Naruto high.

Naruto and Sasuke both woke up on the bathroom floor, the weed burnt to a crisp and Orochimaru gone. They both walked out of the bathroom to find the door broken down, blood on both the table suspending the jukebox and on the game controller where Naruto had gotten his foot stabbed. Sakura was also dead in the corner with a bottle of ibuprofen in hand. Sasuke then found Naruto and himself dead on the ground and his mouth dropped as he saw what his corpse was holding in his hand: a bag of red weed in one hand and a bag of blue weed in the other. Sasuke quickly reached down for the red weed and took his favorite bong out of his back pocket. He smoked the shit and found Naruto dead behind him.

* * *

Sasuke was hooked up to a life support system with his friends crying around him. He wasn't able to open his eyes to see them, though. He could hear them and feel then, but he couldn't move any part of his body. All he could do is listen to what they had to say.

"こんにちは、誉れ高い友人たち。 私は遅れて到着したことを詫びます；トラフィックは今日ひどいです。 それでそれは最終的に起きました： サスケがマリファナを多量に飲み過ぎました。" said Kakashi. "私は、一度だけ、彼が我々に耳をかたむけたいいのにと思います。 もし彼がそうしていたなら、これは決して起きなかったでしょう。 まあ、さようなら、旧友。"

_(AN: Kakashi is saying how he got stuck in traffic and that Sasuke overdosed on weed.)_

Sasuke then heard Sakura yell, "This is madness!" He felt someone inject a strange substance into his wrist and then felt a jolt as he fell down into a hole. He felt the cart below him shatter as he hit the ground and he got up to stretch. Sasuke heard a metal trap door close from above, followed by the laughter of over a dozen creatures. A thirty foot tall monster with menacing teeth and claws then roared at him, shaking the ground. Sasuke, instinctively threw the rock at the control panel for the iron door behind the mighty beast and snuck past the creature.

Sasuke found himself next to Naruto in a court room. Naruto was yelling at a highly-dressed military general, asking about the code red. The code red…? What the hell is Naruto talking about? thought Sasuke. Naruto then slipped Sasuke a bag of red weed and he found himself at a hotel, suspended in mid air. There was a man in front of him dragging bodies tied together to an elevator. Men in black suits were chasing this man and then Sasuke noticed a little twinkle of light come from the hotel room next to him. He floated over and found not red nor blue weed, but green weed.

Sasuke quickly woke up in the hospital to find Naruto, Sakura, and Sai staring down at the man in the bed, him.

Kakashi then entered the room, "العمل. كيف هو صديقنا ساي، ؟ لدينا ثلاث دقائق ونصف للخروج من هنا: تتيح لك قبل انفجار !" shouted Kakashi.

_(AN: Kakashi is saying that they only have a few minutes to get out of the building before the bomb goes off.)_

A blazing inferno then engulfed Sasuke as he left the hospital. He was about the take in the red weed when he looked down to find the blue weed waiting for him. Sasuke dropped the bag of red weed and rolled up a fat joint of blue weed. He inhaled every last bit of it and found himself on the couch next to Orochimaru. Two paramedics were lifting him up and leading him out of the apartment. Sasuke then shot them both.

Sai slowly creeped out of the corner, meth in hand, and pulled one of the paramedics into the darkness of his closet.

"We forgot to feed him again," joked Naruto.

"Sasuke, are you okay?" asked Sakura. Sakura had a large bruise under her eye, and she was bleeding heavily from both of her wrists. "We weren't sure you were going to wake up… I had to call for help," she explained.

Sasuke then punched Sakura for making a decision on her own as a woman.


	4. Chapter 4: Hitting the Town

Chapter IV - Hitting the Town

_(AN: I'm really excited for this chapter! I decided to include a special guest I'm sure you all know of. It's the only character that's left to be introduced from the cover art. I would like to thank Tazmo for voice-acting Sakura. haha what a bitch. Enjoy!)_

* * *

Sakura came home with slit wrists and hands full of groceries: "anyone willing to give me a hand?" Sasuke murmured something in a daze as he took in another hit of his kush, but Sakura was able to make out what he said. She dropped the groceries and one of the bags ripped open, causing an egg to roll over to Sasuke.

"Tôi sẽ không suck rằng nếu tôi đã là bạn, Sasuke. Tôi sẽ rửa sạch đầu tiên, chỉ trong trường hợp có bất kỳ bệnh bên ngoài." advised Kakashi.

_(AN: Kakashi is saying that the egg is dirty and that he is going to wash it.)_

He then picked up the egg and walked it over to the sink, gently scrubbing it with a ball of Sai's hair. The egg cracked slightly and Kakashi quickly brought it over to Sasuke. Falling apart, the egg was shoved into Sasuke's mouth.

Sasuke swallowed it and smiled lightly as he got his daily protein and other vitamins that he didn't know about.

Sakura, slightly turned on by Sasuke eating his egg, came over and began to pull down Sasuke's pants. She unhooked his three chastity belts and began to pleasure him, moaning so loudly that the busy people of Chinatown could hear them. Some of them even stopped to listen, throwing dollar bills at the window, begging for more. With no response from Sasuke, Sakura pulled away and hit him across the face in disgust. A large force then sent Sakura to the floor, knocking her out and cutting her wrist wounds open with her Chia pet.

Naruto had tackled her and was now high-fiving Kakashi.

"Công việc tốt đẹp, Naruto. Con khốn đó đã nhận được gây phiền nhiễu." said Kakashi, complementing Naruto. "Gạo, Sakura ở đâu?" asked Kakashi.

_(AN: Kakashi is saying that Naruto did a good job, and that Sakura is getting annoying. Kakashi is also asking where is the rice at.)_

"Sorry, I forgot to get some," responded Sakura.

"Thằng ngu ngốc hoang; Tôi sẽ giết thằng bạn!" shouted Kakashi.

_(AN: Kakashi is saying that he's going to kill Sakura)_

He then punched Sakura in the boob with all his might, sending her to the floor, knocking her out and cutting her wrist wounds open with her Chia pet.

Orochimaru then busted through the window and landed on the floor in a blaze of glory.

Sakura, extremely furious with Orochimaru, spat in his face and then went back to the kitchen. "I'll make you boys some sandwiches!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Sasuke, you son of a bitch. You tricked me yesterday to give you the red weed, and now you're going to pay with your life!" exclaimed Orochimaru. He then took out a whip made out of snake skin and began to hit Sasuke.

Sasuske, tripping over and breaking more and more bongs, he finally shouted, "I'll do what you want!"

"Alright, all of you must become dealers for me; I believe that we will make a great team," offered Orochimaru. He then pulled a bag of orange weed from his pocket and threw it onto the table. "This is the shit you're going to be selling, and you better sell it and not use it. Should I ever find that you're using it, your head will be hanging from my mirror," screamed Orochimaru. He then leaped through the window and onto the roof of his helicopter and flew away from the apartment. "Take me away, Kabuto!" he screamed.

Kakashi then sat down on Naruto's lap and took out Romeo and Juliet Have Sex by Jiraiya. Man, that's some hot shit. Kakashi then started to beat off as Romeo began to take off Juliet's cloths and Sakura began to work her way over to him. "No! You dry-pussy bitch!"

Shocked by how mean Kakashi was being to her, she fell back and landed on Sasuke's diamond-bejazzled bong-the last one in the room.

"Bitch, that was the last one in this room! Now you're forcing me to get up from the couch and go to another room," Sasuke then took another hit from his bong and then walked over to the closet next to the bathroom.

Sasuke went to get a handful of bongs, "Hey Sai, can you pass me a bong?" Sai reached over and grabbed Sasuke's diamond-encrusted bong from under the doctorate that he uses as a pillow. Sasuke then pulled out a bag of meth from his ass, "I've been saving this 'specially for you." He shut the door. Sasuke walked over with his beautiful bong in hand and began to smoke from it once he reached his couch. Naruto then sat down next to Sasuke and turned on their favorite show, Naruto. Sasuke's eyes widened as he saw Naruto and Ekusas standing on two large statues over a waterfall, ready to fight. Sasuke didn't get to enjoy the show for he quickly drifted off into another world after smoking a large amount of the orange weed Orochimaru had given them to sell.

* * *

Orochimaru leaped off of his helicopter and accidentally cut his hand on one of the propeller blades above him. The members of his gang then saluted him by stroking their chests lightly and bowing. Orochimaru commanded them to rise, "my friends, we're on the verge of war! The Akatsuki have just began selling their gold weed on our turf and we cannot do anything about it! They know we're stretched thin, but I've just gained five powerful allies. Ones by the name of Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and Sai are going to lead us to glory! Now lets roll out the secret weapon."

* * *

"So if we tie these fliers to the bags of orange weed, people will know where to find us!" explained Naruto. He then continued to wrap fliers saying, "Come to room 137 of The Little Nell hotel for some nice weed," around large bags of weed. He then walked over to the window and chucked the weed-and-flier combination out the door to the people of Denver. "Lets just hope the cops don't catch us," said Naruto, concerned.

A knock then came from the door. Surprised on how fast they were getting customers, Kakashi sprinted to their front door and opened it to find a girl with red hair in a green and white dress. She had blue eyes and extremely pale and cracked skin. The girl then put out the crack she was smoking and opened her mouth, "bitch, you got the money you owe Orochimaru?"

"How do I know if you're with Orochimaru?" asked Kakashi, "I've never seen you before."

"I'm his right-hand woman, Kushina, and you better fucking give me the cash or else I'll break your dick," she yelled. Kushina then took out a shot of heroin and injected it into her chest, getting her really super high. Her hand then stuck out to Kakashi, signaling him to hand her the cash.

Kakashi then handed her three pennies from his wallet and she walked away, satisfied.

Naruto then stopped Kushina as she was about to leave the apartment, and she looked back, speechless. Maybe it was all the drugs she was on or just that she had found her true love, but she then kissed Naruto passionately. Naruto then lead her back towards the couch and handed her the Xbox One controller and inserted Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, his favorite game.


	5. Chapter 5: Patching the Past - Part One

Chapter V - Patching the Past: Part One, Ancient Kush

_(AN: Hey guys! I'm back with chapter four! Sorry for the delay, as I've said before it takes me awhile to write these between school and work. I'm excited to announce that today is my birthday, and I thought that posting this would prove no better way than to celebrate this special day. Well, I hope you guys enjoy! I would like to thank all the Native Americans for helping the Americans beat the British during our civil wars, and for donating their land to the colonists! We couldn't have made it here with you guys...I think. Anyways, Special thanks to Football Black Belt for the Call of Duty: Ghosts, you fucking rock!)_

Sasuke finally came down from his high and found Sakura coming through the door with bags full of groceries. She looked towards the couch and dropped the bags in surprise,"Why is the bitch still here?"

"Kushina is going to live with us now. We banged and now we're in love," Naruto said as he played Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift.

"Do we even have enough room for her? We can barely fit seven, and Sai's taken the only closet we've got! What's she going to do, sleep in your room?" she yelled passionately.

Sakura then threw the groceries at the fridge and rushed to the closet. She then pulled Sai out from the closet in a full-body caste, turned on the life support system, and dropped three grams of meth into the water that was left there for him three days ago to drink. Curious on what meth tasted like, Sakura put a piece into her mouth and swallowed the thing. Sakura then started to get the munchies from the meth; hungry out of her mind, she went to go make herself some food.

After making her meal, she instantly threw it at Kushina. This sent Naruto into a fury, making him hand over the t-shirt with a the fucking gigantic coffee stain to Kushina so she didn't have to have food on her. He then walked over to Sakura and cut her left ear off with a kitchen knife. Sakura, hating to start fights, sat there and took Naruto's abuse.

"My friends, I have a huge announcement!" yelled Kakashi to everyone in the apartment. This announcement perked Sasuke up for it involved his two favorite things: his bong and Kushina. Whenever Sasuke saw Kushina, he couldn't help but see his favorite things in the world: a bong, kush, and nothing but hours of ecstasy. Sasuke has even take up calling Kushina, "Kush" for short.

"Orochimaru has given me this," Kakashi held out his hand to show purple weed, "if we smoke this, we will be transported to the past! He wishes for us to smoke enough to go back to the year 1555 to find the secrets of weed from Christopher Columbus."

Christopher Columbus wasn't looking for a way to India just for a way to trade, he also wanted to find a place to grow his drugs. He accidently stumbled upon America, the most bountiful weed source in the world. The Native Americans were always high as fuck, which is why they believed in the spirits of nature. (AN: This is why you shouldn't do weed) After many generations of smoking weed, the Native Americans cracked the secret of it. The druggies were able to create the one and only, golden weed.

Kakashi handed each person a bag of the purple weed and they all snorted it quickly, sending every single one of them to the floor.

It was cold, and Naruto was alone. He looked outside to find rows upon rows of the golden weed. Unable to believe his eyes, he rushed to the bathroom window and saw the British colonists stealing the crop. The British were carrying plant by plant to the boats, killing any Indians in their path. One Indian took out a pistol and shot fifteen rounds into a Brit, sending the man to the ground, squirming in pain. The Native American then went in for the final shot when he was sent to the ground from a musket shot. The Indian lied there, dead.

Naruto screamed at the Brits, "you fucktards, that's our fucking weed you fucking mother fuckings!" Naruto then squirmed around the room for a weapon but only found a few bongs and knives. A Native American then walked into the apartment room with Christopher Columbus.

"We got the bastard," said Kakashi as Sakura followed him, "now tell us what you know about the golden weed!" Kakashi then punched Christopher Columbus in the jaw, shattering it. A few bits and pieces of the jaw then flew out of Christopher's chin, creating a mess on the floor.

Furious on what a mess Christopher made, Naruto kicked both him and Sakura like the jews they are. "Tell us now or we'll send you back to the holocaust, you piece of shit!" commanded Naruto.

Kakashi then dug a hole in the apartment floor and stored the golden weed seeds in the safe place for them to be preserved.

All five of them woke up and Kakashi ripped up the carpet where he had left the seeds; angry to see that they weren't there, he knew he had to get his anger out some way. But how can I get this much anger out? He thought to himself.

Kakashi then settled down for he had already gotten the secrets out of Columbus on the golden weed. Happy that he had planned ahead, he took out the golden weed seeds that he had stored in his pocket for safe keeping and planted them.

A knock came from the door and the telephone began to ring.

Kushina answered the door to find Kabuto, waiting for his weed and money. Kushina handed over a few thousand dollars and five pounds of golden weed.

Happy with the payment, Kabuto counted up three-thousand dollars and handed it to her with a shot of heroin. After a long day of being high on weed, Kushina definitely needed something to settle herself down. She quickly injected the heroin into her hernia and slowly began to calm down. Stumbling over to the couch, she fell on one of Sakura's Chia Pets. Turned on by this, Kushina made her way over to Sakura and they had some nice girl-on-girl sex.

This went on for a good fifteen minutes, but Naruto eventually got so mad that he shaved part of Sakura's head for having sex with his girlfriend. "Just because you don't fucking like her, that doesn't' mean you can just go around fucking her!" yelled Naruto at Sakura. He then punched Sakura in her non-existent boob, sending her to the floor. After that, Naruto led Kushina back to the couch where they started to watch a 1970's porno.

Sakura then got up and took a shot of non-alcoholic beer for she doesn't drink and she began to feel a little uneasy. She took three more shots and then began to scream at Kakashi in frustration. "We're supposed to be married, you… you… BUTGG!" exclaimed Sakura, she then fell to the floor laughing. Her watch then started to beep, she had to go to work. Sakura got up, brushed her hair and put on her makeup and went to the Hard Rock Cafe in downtown Seattle.

"Hey, Kush, how are you doing?" asked Sasuke in a flirtatious way.

Kushina's parents were abducted by the government; they were never seen again. Kushina still mourns their death after she found them both overdosed in a dark alley with three black guys. They had committed suicide by injecting the heroin into their hearts for they missed their daughter. After that, Kushina turned to drugs for her parents did them so she knew they were okay. She started with kush (which is why her name is Kushina), but then she turned doing the bad drugs like heroin, meth, crack, cocaine, ecstasy, PCP, LSD, Four Loko, opium, cigarettes, bath salts, and alcohol. She then landed a job with Orochimaru for she was their most valued customer, and she knew everything about drugs. After finding Naruto, though, she has only done heroin for she wouldn't give everything up for a man.

"I'm fine," responded Kushina in a flirty tone.


End file.
